Yep, the picture isn’t overly offensive. But the script: oh, sweet Jesus, what an absolute pile of stomach-churning shitcockness. Reproduced below:
Once in a while a car comes along that sets your pulse racing. You’re driving along in your perfectly nice little car and all of a sudden you see it, cooly gliding past on sport alloy wheels, its state of the art DNA technology set to dynamic drive.
Breathlessly you say to yourself: ‘I want one of those’.
What utter cretin wrote this bollocks? ‘Cooly gliding past’? ‘State of the art DNA technology’? Also, Spotify have this set to blast out after every second tune at the moment, a move guaranteed to put anyone with half a rancid braincell left off buying one of these pretentious turdmobiles.
The more plausible reaction to seeing one of these is to comment (breathlessness dependent on the severity of your particular pulmonary disorder) ‘Gosh, there’s an Alfa Romeo that hasn’t broken down yet.’ I’ve owned one, and can testify to this.
A brave attempt here by the folks at RIM to mash up their Blackberry advertisements with the Peter and Jane books from the 1950s. You can tell that they’re really ‘down with the kids’, because they’re going to see That New Horror Film - apparently, it’s a great movie!!
Or maybe I’m missing out on something, and this is actually how Blackberry users communicate - in stilted prose with lots of exclamation marks and tone so bright and breezy that one might believe that they are in fact completely fucked on Prozac. Can any Blackberry users shed any light on this, are they too busy organising brill nights out with their friends?!?
Spotted by @rhodri
Cortexica Vision Systems are the award winning creators of a bio-inspired vision system enabling intelligent imagezzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, and apparently they’re ‘redefining the brand baseline.’ Whatever that might be.
www.cortexica.com - thanks to narf @ b3ta.
Yep, it’s another wanktastic attempt to inject some class into McDonalds Flaccid-Tatties-In-Grease.
I know that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones and all that…but that wouldn’t exactly be my description of McDonald’s typical target audience. On the other hand, ‘Limp, Greasy and Minging’ probably wouldn’t sell as well.
Oh, and this is probably a good space to put this. http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm
Beauty product ads - particularly beauty product ads from that shithouse of wanky sloganeering L’oréal - provide particularly rich pickings for incredibly meanless copy, and this latest one is no exception.
‘Inspired by the Science of Genes’. I bet that makes genetic engineers - you know, actual real scientists, the people who have spent years studying in their field - feel really good about their work. Fucking hell. ‘Inspired by the Science of Genes’. It doesn’t get better the more you say it. ‘Inspired by the Science of Genes’. Hmm. Maybe one more try: ‘Inspired by the Science of Genes’. No, it’s still an absolute pile of shite.
Let’s not mention the product name, which sounds like some anti-drug strategy from the late 80s, or the tagline (which reads to me like it’ll give you all the symptoms it’s supposed to fix). No, that slogan (‘Inspired by the Science of Genes’, in case you’ve forgotten) is quite enough for an entry on its own.
Original is here: http://bit.ly/9vnJlG
STOP PRESS: There’s a whole site of pseudo-scientific toss here: www.thescienceofgenes.co.uk You lucky, lucky people.
Our Middle East correspondent writes ‘You see these signs every few kilometers in Qatar. Totally pointless…’ Mind you, you can’t blame them for being proud of their new radar surveillance. I mean, wouldn’t you be?
Oh, so that’s what security means.
It’s hard to tell whether this is a random footnote added by Roger Irrelevant or an attempt at injecting a bit of corporate fucktardness into their emails. I hope its the former, and that next months involves lobsters.
They’re made with ‘real ingredients’. Well, whoopdie-fucking-doo, Walkers. Care to define the difference between ‘real ingredients’ and, er, anything else? Or maybe you’ve been making quantum crisps for years and just not telling us?
More absolute wank on the Sensations website, particularly here:
What is it?’ you ask. Is it a science or an art? Well actually, it’s sort of both. It’s the delicious area where science meets art, and the Einstein behind the Sensations range is Eapen George.
As our chief flavourologist, it’s Eapen’s mission to make Sensations crisps into much more than a snack. He wants each crisp to take you on a ‘flavour journey’, a sensory experience which leaves you with a new and improved perception of taste appreciation.
That’s right, folks: they just compared their chief ‘flavourologist’ with Einstein. Here’s a question for you, Einstein: why do Kettle Chips taste so much nicer?
(thanks to speshulknees at b3ta)